people sometimes do stupid things that they dun realise. they get angry over little things that shouldnt be gotten angry about. and when they calmed down, like 5 mins later, they realised what they did and unintentionally hurt the ones they love by being indifferent abt the whole situation. though they can still say sorry to whoever that they hurt, but the scar might still be there. the hurt felt when something nasty is said.

i'm sorry sayang. yes, i want everyone to know that i'm sorry. i'm sorry that sometimes i get frustrated that things doesnt go my way, like using the comp or going out with you without having people calling and asking me out too. i just want to be with you every second... totally dependant huh? *smiles* yeah, they all say love makes you do crazy things. i didnt actually believe that, until i met you..

i know you're in your emotional state for the past week. i try to make you happy. i try to make you smile and forget all your worries. i believe i did it. i'm positive i did it. but on the other hand, i do stupid things too... maybe it's just miscommunication, well at least i think that's the case. and once again, i'm sorry..

and sayang, i'd like to express my heart to you with a simple lyrics below. my love, you're the only one.... *takes her hand and lifts it slightly towards him* *bends down and kiss the back of her hand* *looks at her* can i have this dance....?

My love
There's only you in my life
The only thing that's right

My first love
You're every breath that i take
You're every step i make

And i
I want to share
All my love with you
No one else will do
And your eyes
They tell me how much you care
Oh, yes you will always be
My endless love

Two hearts
Two hearts that beat as one
Our lives had just begun
Forever
I'll hold you close in my arms
I can't resist your charms

And love
I'll be a fool for you
I'm sure
You know i don't mind
You know i don't mind

'cause you
You mean the world to me
Oh, i know
I know i found in you
My endless love

Oh
And love
I'll be that fool for you
I'm sure
You know i don't mind
You know i don't mind
And yes
You'll be the only one
'cause no one can't deny
This love i have inside
And i'll give it all to you
My love
My endless love...

You're so beautiful, divine
Everything 'bout you so fine
And with the love like yours
There is no pain in this world that i can't endure

So beautiful, so wonderful
And as we float on the floor
I hear the music of love

Chorus
This is our song
This is the song we'll remember forever and ever
It means to you what it means to me
So from this moment on, we know
This is our song
Our song

Anytime i feel alone
I put on our favorite song
And like the music and words
We merge into one
And play on and on

Love's so beautiful, unconditional
Can't find the words to explain
This is our song and our song says it all

Chorus

When my skies are grey
Make them clear again
When i'm weak you are strong
I need to hear the sound, you need to hear the words
This is how it all began

Chorus

This is the song we'll remember forever and ever
That it means to you, what it means to me
So from this moment on
This is our song
This is our song
So forever and ever
With just so you know
Just so
We know
We know
We both know
This is our song

wahahah!!!!1 i suggest you guys to download this!! wahahha!!

Help A Guy Out

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I want to chase
You're the one I want to hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just want to know that you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

*smiles* i love you sayang~

Beautiful_Soul - Jesse McCartney

I just watched Puteri Gunung Ledang today. I know i know that it's been out for quite a while, but i didnt have time to go watch it. *laughs* aaaaanyyywaaayyy, it's actually a love story, with parts of history and myths reflected in it. the flow of the movie is slow to people who doesnt appreciate the richness of the Malay Language. i do agree that it can get boring at times because it's purely dialog, and there's a lot of flashbacks and inner desires. anyway, i'd give it a 7/10 for it's professional look, beautiful use of the Malay Language, amazing sceneries, and its commendable costumes and props....

for the official movie website, visit http://www.pglthemovie.com/

for a hilarious perspective on the movie, visit http://mel-licious.blogspot.com/2004/08/hang-tuahs-pick-up-line.html

and for a negative perspective of the movie from Malaysians themselves, visit http://www.aizuddindanian.com/voi/archives/2004/09/review_puteri_g.html

personally, what i feel about these malaysians is that they doesnt even appreciate the historical/mythical value of this movie. from their comments, i assumed that their expectations of movies are MORE action, MORE love scenes, MORE easily understandable dialog and MORE young actors/actresses.... *shrugs*

and i believe i'll get lots of comments on my tagboard regarding this entry.. *laughs* if i dun, phew! hahahaha.. if i do, BRING IT ON!!

and this is everyone's that's left after the whole event... tired out.. hahaha
Posted by Hello

and jeng jeng jeng... my SAYANG!!! *chuckles*
Posted by Hello

akbar, haqeem, hafiz, khairul, me, muhammad, fahrur..
Posted by Hello

ahhh.. jalan raya.. hahah i know i know it's like 2 weeks ago.. but hey, when else do i have the time to post rite? hahaha lalala.. zat's me for those bloghoppers to take note.. hahaha!
Posted by Hello

This Day is Dedicated to the ONE that i LOVE...


~*~Noorhana Atiqah~*~

Happy Birthday My sweetie... i know you had a great time last night, with lots of surprises up my sleeves.. *laughs* and a surprise birthday cake and gifts from the rest of our friends... *smiles* dun worry, i didnt tell them about it.. hehe.. see, i kept my promise! i LOVE you... with all my heart.. *gives her a hug* *and a small kiss on her cheeks* once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY....

L.O.V.E.Y.O.U.... I ain't gonna lose your love tonight...
I just wanna make you feel alright...
L.O.V.E.Y.O.U.... I just hope you can stay the night...
Kiss you, Love you, Hold you tight...

hey hey~ i just came back from field camp last night. sooo tired out.. hahaha

on monday, we had to stay in-camp because they wanted us to have 7 hours of sleep before the field camp. well, i was kindda excited about it.. haha.. i mean, it's field camp with the people i can work with. it's not like BMTC where my section was being some racist idiots. yah, so, we did some last minute checks on our field packs and issued items to ensure that we have them. the whole weight, including SBO and helmet was more than half of my weight i think.. i couldnt even lift up the field pack from my sides.. haha..

on tuesday, we woke up at 445 and had our shower and stuff. we fall in at 520 in our number 4 to go for breakfast. our platoon sergeant(PS) started to make us move quickly instead of taking our time. *feels like BMT all over again* so, he made us run to the other side of the road on top of the hill and fall in to walk-in-steps towards the cookhouse.. haha... we draw our weapons after breakfast and proceeded withh all the necessary items needed for the weapon. we then took our field packs, SBO, and helmet down and arrange them nicely... hahaha.. we waited until first light broke and then we loaded up the 5-tonner, while others loaded up the LMTV, a maintenance vehicle and the commanders took the rovers. we moved out towards yishun for our training.. haha.. it took a long long time to reach there cos military vehicles in public can only be drove at 50km/h max... :P

it was our first deployment site. we moved slowly into the jungle. then we came to an area which we call our holding area.. once there, we unloaded the tonner and form an all round defense of the area. i got a stinky area where some dudes just peed.. urgh.. but i didnt sit at the pee la.. crazy eh? haha i was just nearby.. and it smelt of pee... haha.. after a long long wait, we loaded the tonner again and moved in to our deployment area... there, we did and all round defense again and waited... waited for minutes to pass... many many many minutes to pass.. i was fascinated with the mosquitos cos i tot there was only one circling around me... but when i moved my whole self, a freaking horde of mosquitos arose from my body... sheeeeesssshhhhh!!! and so, after many many fascinating moments with my new frens, my sect comm finally came to assign me a place to dig my shell-scrape.. aka my coffin.. it's the same size to bury a dead guy except that it's not as deep as a real coffin... ah.. and mine was in the middle of a field of long, tall grasses with thick hard roots.. hahahahahahaha... go figure...
before digging,i was made to help out in camouflaging the vehicles... which took till afternoon to complete... did i mention we reached there at8 plus....? hahahaha... after lunch, we continue to dig and do our security.. it was when our first contact occurs... Apple sector was attacked, and 2 guys were down.. they called in the rear area local protection team aka tiger force, to enfore the area. i lovethe drills cos the enemies are visible and they keep shooting at us.. so we were sent in to flank... in the end, we got shot by friendly and the enemy escapes... sheesh... hahaha... after that, we discuss abt it as one paltoon before breaking up to sections again.... to end the day, we had artillery drill to evacute from the place... and move on to our next deployment site... at night! so we repeated everything all over again.. except that .. we didnt have to dig at night.. haha.. tired seh digging the ground... so after stand down, we had a trip-flare lesson.. hahaha.. cool stuff seh.. after that, the management decided to let us rest for the night.. cos they said we did great in the morning.. so we did get the rest.. ahhh.. better than nothing seh.. we slept from 1045 to 4am... den, that same morning... before light, we headed off to our third deployment site... same thing again.. like yesterday... except that... on the second day, we had 3 contacts...

first contact was on my sector... i was doing sentry at the other end of the road... about 200m away from base camp... HQ used the comms to call all the tiger force from the sentries to report back to camp.. cos my sector only left 3 guys... i was the last to arrive there.. so i was enforced to Apple sector... the enenmy was finally run down by our sector... except that, they crossed Apple's line of fire... meaning, they could have been dead too if live rounds were used.... sheesh.. our OC, a Major, was definately unhappy with it... after the scolding the whole platoon got, OC called all the sect comm to report to him.. and from far, we saw that he gave them push ups! sheesh.. after we break to sections, as we're about to start our discussion, another sector was contacted... Chiku sector.. GAWD! they were in need of reinforcements.. and so, me, a tiger force, had to run back to HQ to wait for PS to send us to the frontline.. enemy contacts was from both angles of the sector.. so my side we shoot the one on the left.. and the other on the right... i located the enemy though the others cant see.. i mean.. wth seh.. he's crawling.. yes.. but the tall grasses was moving erratically.. obviously he's there seh... hahahaha... so i ordered the guys to shoot at that position.. haha. instead of waiting for the IC to make the decision.. sheesh.. we could all be dead if we're to wait for the IC to command... so after everything was done, we went back to regroup and talk about what went right.. and what went wrong... erm... and the OC wasnt pleased still ... though it was better than the last 2 contacts... hahaha...
so the break us up back to our sections... when we reached our side, we all decided to top up our water bottles... as i was topping it a gunshot rang at our sector.. DAMN IT! 3 freaking contacts continuously..... i was shagged la of cos... everyone was shagged too... but i tot.. ah what the heck.. actually i wasnt even feeling tired la... hahaha... kk .. den ah, my section IC and some of the guys ran forward to their defense position when the gun was being fired... i was like WTF!!! i shouted " GET DOWN!! GET DOWN!!!!" good thing was, everyone listened to me.. haha.. good! den i shouted again " LEAPORD CRAWL TO YOUR POSITIONS! GO GO GO!!!" everyone crawled to their positions and started firing at the general direction of enemy fire.... wuuhoo!! as we were waiting for our next command from the section IC, we got news that he was being shot... sheesh!!! of cos our 2 IC decided to call for reinforcements immediately... and so we got 4 tiger force to help us out... i got 2 in my team... i openly tell them "2 OF YOU.. FOLLOW MY ORDERS!!" they nodded as they heard that.. cool thing... at this point of time, i was still waiting for my 2IC to make the next move.. we were still being fired at.. damn.. he panic and blanked out.... and of cos, i shouted at the section.. "SECTION!! 11 OCLOCK!!! ENEMY LEFT OF TALL TREE!!!! WATCH AND FIRE!!!!"hahaha.. and i started to give all the commands everytime... the photographer took my photo as i was shooting.. hahah.. cool.. :P den the warrant officers were asking each other... "is farhan the IC or robin....?" hahahaha.... i gave another command that wasnt even taught.. i shouted "SECTION!!! HOLD THE LINE!!!"haha... den i was looking for the enemy again.. i shouted to the guy on my right if he can see them.. he said he cant.. i shouted at him to ask the guy to his right... yeah man!! not even taught by the commanders.. hahahaha.. i mean.. seriously, u have to take initiative to win a fire-fight... and then.. finally the 2IC regained his composure.. he shouted for everyone to crawl forward a little more while maintaining the line.. wahhahaha.. nice work 2IC!! and from there, we keep communicating to each other as he asked how many guys do i have with me.. i said i have 4... all still alive.. khekheke.. finally.. all the enemies were down... i waited for his command again.. he didnt gave any.. so i told the guy on the right to tell him the command... khekhekhe... den he gave a very solid move... "TEAM 2! ADVANCE AND CLEAR YOUR SECTOR!!" wuhoo!! we stood up with rifles at high alert position, meaning eye aiming at the front already, and moved forward in a line and stop a few metres from team 1.. den he commandes his team to move forward and link up with us... making a longer line again... khekhekhe.. we did that for several times before ensuring that the whole place is cleared... section ic declared the place is cleared and ordered an all round defense... he asked me to check on everyone's status.. even enemy's.... and he said, go and be the rear defense... get 2 guys to evacuate the casualties... and get out of the place.... so i told my guys the plan.. and they did it! hahaha.. we completed everything with only 1 man from the section down.. sheesh... that is already bad.. hahaha.. and guess what...? the OC commended on our performance.. especially on me taking over the section and completing the mission.. hahaha.. i just smiled as they talked about my wonderful performance.. hahaha.. oh well...
den at the end of the day, OC saw me and personally said "farhan, they way you took over the section was wonderful... great job" and i went sheepish smile "thank you sir" hahaha

so we ended the field camp with a 4km route march.. it's been a long time since we've had route marches.. so it felt very very tiring... we stopped near the seaside.. yeah.. that was the whole field camp story.. hahaha.. so so sooooo tiring....

khekhek.. and i brought along my hp for the field camp.. sayang didnt know.. haha.. so i waited the whole day for her to sms.. khekhekhe.. and she did!!! and of cos, she was surprised to receive my reply.. wahhahaa.. i sure do know how to make my sayang love me more.. wahahaha.. lalala.. and i love her too.... a lot a lot... and i ended this entry at 1252AM ... 03 dec..

as i was listening to what Mum read about Taufik Basah, i mean.. Taufik Batisah, *laughs* she said that he's a top scorer and never gets second in class. then i started thinking, that's cool! top scorer and didnt want to go JC.. okie.. acceptable... go poly and become a mat... wow! hahaha.. anyway, on the other hand, it's a good thing that the newspaper publish this cos at least, the mats and minahs will study harder instead of engaging in fashion and what-nots.... *laughs* sue me!
oh yah, anyway, PJC is starting to get infested with educated mats too.. which is scary.. wahhahaha... *thinks* mats in JCs... OHHOOO!!!!

anyway regarding taufik, i've noticed his talent while he was still in the top 10.. and i got pissed with the judges when they say that he's a copycat and he should have his own way of singing rather than imitating... are they DEAF or what? freaking DAPHNE *blocked nose* cant freaking sing and they said... "you have your own style!!!" *BULSHIT!* yeah.. even talents are out of the competition.. well, at least one is still in.. hahaha... and, about all this girls and taufik talk, sheesh.... to all girls, WHATEVER! stop all this popularity shit...

and yes sayang.. i'll vote for taufik.. *rolls eyes* NOT because u tell me to, but because i've been doing so... hahahaha.. oops, secret out! hahaha!

The first time for a guy to approach woman during his life, be it a senseless dare or pure admiration, somehow or another, ounce of energy will gradually flow in you until it accumulates pass a climax, then a sudden urge of doing silly things to know her happens. Before you know it, everything happens in a flash, and when you think back, you wondered how on earth did you manage to do or say something as retard.

I am in similar hypothetical situation.

I observed her since two days and for some diabolical reasons, something stuck me, whispering to me in telepathy mode that I have to know her. Must have one of Cupid's bow shot went haywire and got into me - my eyes never left her. She is petite and small, with long flawless hair. Her features were well defined - especially her eyes that captured my soul in the first wink I caught from her. She is not those drop-dead gorgeous model's style, but when she smiles
and her two dimples creases into her cheeks deeply, nothing on earth is sweeter than her. Her charisma and the air that saturates around her is angelic and when I am near her, to close for comfort (it's simply stressing), she smelled like a walking conditioner.

I have to know her, if I want this piece of dream to turn into reality. If it were something of my forte, it would have been as simple as snapping my fingers, but I had never approach a girl
before. What do you expect from someone who studied in an all guys school since Primary One and not even a single sister at home? Female of similar age don't exist in my environment since I graduated from kindergarten, which was like years ago?

Today is the last day of school, which means starting fromtomorrow, two months worth of vacation began. Then, my chances of seeing her will be zero because she doesn't even stay near me; she stayed near my good friend, Jerry, private estate. Fate has enabled us to meet because two days back, because I have been going to Jerry's house and I would only see her at the bus
stop. So everything needs to be done today!

She is sitting in front of me and my mind is virtually blank, thinking of a good way to start a decent conversation with her.

Then, the bus appeared into sight and my set my pulse racing - I am losing my time resources!

The bus slowed down to a gradually stop and we both board it.

I chose a seat near the back and sat down, watching her walked passes me and sat behind. A wave of uneasiness washed over me as I could even sense her gaze on my back. There
was an internal war to introduce myself and to remain rational.

Finally our stop came and we got down.

She walked at a quickened pace, reckoning that I am stalking her behind. Every seconds is slipping passed me and beads of sweats broke out at strategic part of my forehead. I can't
let this final chance go by!

She went through the gate of the estate by now and my mind is in state of desperation.Watching her gradually moving towards her block is unimaginable.

Come on Cloud you could do it! OR you are gonna lose this chance forever!?

A surge of false strength filled my veins as I ran towards her. When I came arm length distance from her, I delivered a light tap onto her shoulder.

She turned around, as if expecting all that would happen and gave me a curious look. >

Hi, I was...was wondering if I...I...could get to know you and be your friend??

All the energy in me had expanded in this stuttering sentence I blurted. My face is beginning to blush red with shyness as I waited for any respond.

She smiled faintly and gosh, that nearly sweep me off my feet.

Five minutes went by and everything happened as smoothly as any successful mission. We exchanged numbers and I learned that she is not exactly local; she is a half Japanese who came to Singapore to study. Her name is Yukiko, which means snow in Japanese like her unblemished skin, fair and silky-like.

Then she said she had to leave and with a dumb smile reciprocating her sweet ones, we parted.

I looked back at her for one final time, before running and yelling at the top of my voice that I made it. Did I mention knocking onto the lamppost and actually apologized to it?

------------------------------------

It was two months since I knew her and we have always talk online. Our relation are like good friends now. Jerry told me to go after her, but my heart doesn't want to sacrifice this stable friendship for now. Maybe because I had never had a girlfriend before and always have this phobia of relationship not lasting behind my head.

I came home quite late and logging onto IRC and yes! She is there. Before I could catch my breathe for walking back home from the bus stop, she sent me a message.

'Cloud, so late still never sleep ar?'

I heard my mum's voice lurking in the background, commanding me to finish the leftover food in the kitchen. If my mum knew that I ate in school already, I guess she is gonna skin me alive.

'Just came back from school, you?'

'I waited for you to come online.'

Waited for me? Sometimes girls can be such cute little thing. Words like these seemed like healing wards for the day fatigue. Jerry said that guys must be sweet talkers and romantic, well. I am none of the above. But when he stressed his point, I tried learning to be one.

'Why leh? Miss me ar? HAHAHAHA!'

I know the laughter was just to cover my embarrassment, but hey, that's a good attempt.

'.'

'Cloud, I am moody today.'

'Really.? What happen?'

'My good friend just broke up with her boyfriend today.'

Somehow girls are very affected over things happening to their friends in matters of love. Guys would normally tell them to move on with their life and stuff, whereas they would share their pain and sorrow or cry with them. Maybe that's why girls always tell one another about their personal problem?

'Well.it's getting common isn't it? Relationship are breaking up every now and then.'

'I seen them come together and they have been together for 3 months plus. so long.'

Three months and you called that long? It's not even longer than a semester. Maybe people involved will find it longer than it seemed to be. I am a counsellor in school and people
approach me for all kind of interpersonal relation problem. Maybe that's why I have another point of view? But when it comes to myself, I am such a dickhead.

'If they were meant to be together.well. they will be together right? Sometimes not being together is a good thing.couples not suited for each other being force to be together is a painful thing.'

'Fate.?'

Fate to me is like a legend; everyone talks about it, rant about it, thank God about it, but when it comes to relation, I have never gotten myself a girlfriend, so I know nuts about it.

'Err. you could say that?'

'Then are we fated to know each other. Cloud.?'

I always hated it whenever girls corner me with questions that neither YES nor NO is the right answer. Just when I am stuck with her questions, my mum with her pissed off face come knocking at my door, demanded that I finish the food left for me.

'Hey, I have go off for now to eat supper. answer you another time.'

'.'

'Come on. gif me a smile ok? I treat you movie next time.'

'You say wan ar. . I see you tomorrow ok?'

Well, it seemed that the treating trick always works. Hey. it means that I can make use of this excuse to catch a movie with her! I am such a fast learner.

'Ok! bye bye!'

The next thing I see is the 'DISCONNECT' word on my computer. Grinning from ear to ear, I skip my way to the kitchen.

-----------------------------

'Cloud! You are finally here!'

I looked at the clock and it says 10 pm. No, I am not late, rather I am pretty early using IRC entering our usual chat room.

'Cloud, my good friend tried to patch back with her bf today. but he ignore her.'

Well. guys of these days are not looking for serious relation. People have to get to know and go through more relation before they could realise that who is the right one for them what.

'She cried you know. so poor thing. then that guy said that he likes another girl.'

A Chinese proverb came into my mind - Tian ya he chu wu fang cao. Why cry wasted tears over a relation that was never meant to be yours in the first place? Human, even though are
emotional creatures, after a period of time, everything will just be a memory of what had taken place.

'Yah I told her to move on with her life, but she loved him so much and she couldn't believe that he like someone else. if I am her, I will also dunno what the do.'

Don't know what to do? Make yourself happy instead of lingering in this sorrowful event? Sometimes I really wonder if woman are that dumb? Or is it love that is making woman a
vulnerable creature? And what makes you think THAT it is love? Woman, in their first love,
love their lovers, in others, they loved love.

'Really?.'

All woman loves romance. It is like salt and sugar in cooking. Without it, whatever relation will be bland.

'What about you Cloud?'

Me? How come the topic is about me now? I always avoid questions whenever it comes to me in revealing my inner self. It is like exposing yourself to danger through speaking. People, whom you least expected it, betray the trust you given to them and you will have to go through this series of utter disappointment and sadness. Ok I admit. I watch TOO much TV.

'Me? What about me?'

'What if something like that happens to you?'

'Er. it won't lar. I don't even have a gf.'

'Why? Go get one?'

'.'

'y? something is wrong?'

Ok baby, this would be the catalysis to explode my innermost views again.

'I don't want to get a gf for the SAKE of getting one. its meaningless don't you think? Relation nowadays are going nowhere because people just want to be in a relation. They are afraid to be
alone - they WANT someone to walk by them. Be it emotionally, sexually or physically. I don't mind being alone - I like it! Until maybe when the special one comes along, I will try my best to be with her, doing stuff together and most importantly, grow together.'

There was an unaccustomed silence after I type that paragraph. My fingers speed through the keyboard and finally stop at the last word. Oh @$@! Have I just ruined my good impression? I discern its time to celebrate with Jerry about my first failure.

'You are right Cloud.'

Hooray!! I could see my happiness on the computer screen, signalling to my victory of words.

'I want to stay single, until the special one comes along too. .'

Oh wait, how could cute girls like her possibly stay single? Guys will try all sorts of ways to get her and she would finally succumb to one. She is too cute to stay single.

'Me blushed. no I am not cute.'

She is such a poor liar. When you praise a girl pretty, they would tell you they look ugly. When you say that they look like toilet, she retaliate and bites back, saying you look worst. such is mentality of a woman.

'I girl mah, that why will also be like that. =P'

From a close defeated battle, I have eventually emerge the winner as I continue to chat with her for the next two hours. Somehow, during these periods of knowing her, I had never asked about the background of her family or sort, but we talk everything else. I loved to chat with her as she is way so different from all the other girls - she is VERY nave and this creates an
impulse for me to protect her, to guide her along. She showed me the real innocence of a young lady, untainted and pure. I love the way she is, naturally cute and THIS is the reasons that stop
me from jioing her - I can't take advantage of her innocence right?

'Cloud. I have to go already. its getting late.'

'I have to leave too.Oh yeah. its almost 12 and my Cinderella has to leave. HAHAHAHA!'

Why is it that I must laugh every time I attempt a MUSHY statement? A lousy cover for my embarrassment.

'.'

'Cloud. you say the other time you wanna treat me movie right?'

Ok, my hypnotic statement has hinted her! YEAH!

'Lets watch movie together tomorrow ok?'

Er. ok!'

My mind was cheering and screaming in rejoice. All hail cupid for the golden opportunity!

'Ok. Cloud you log off first, I don't want you to see me go.'

'Aww.ok I count to 3 and leave.'

I can't believe I am doing this SILLY business.

'3.2.1.gone!'

I couldn't get to sleep on that day, totally excited about tomorrow's event. Going out with a girl? I had never been out with one before! Praying at my bedside sincerely that nothing will screwed up on that day.

-------------------------------------
It was 8.40 pm and I was at Starbucks (20 minutes before appointment point) - Plaza Singapura, the location we suppose to meet. It is not polite to be late for a date for the first time
anyway. Slipping my favourite ice blended mocha, I waited.

I was daydreaming about today's soccer match I played and started pondering over life issues and soccer; Life is like soccer. you never know when you gonna get hit by the ball in your face. What load of crap!

As I was trying to entertain myself to relieve some amount of tension in me, I sense her presence - the smell, I can never forget. I looked up and saw her smiling and making her way towards me. She is simply stunning and like a critical hit, I was stoned watching her coming. White spaghetti straps top with jean skirts. Woah, I simply love girls wearing skirts. It makes
them looked. more.erm.more female.

'Sorry I am late.'

'Nah, its Ok. I am just early myself.'

'So what movie are we watching?.'

'It's ok, we will check it out later, anyway what matter most is who I am watching with, not the show.'

She blushed and I nearly died saying that sentence. Hey. I am pro huh? HAHAHA!

Smiling at my flippant words, I commented on how gorgeous she looked today. I guess it was just something to start conversation, but hey. I really meant what I said. She looked really shy and reply with a soft thanks. I bought another ice-blended mocha for her as she said she wanted the same.

We chatted for a while - Jerry told me to soften her up with the conversation as she will most likely be as tense as I am. Gradually, she gain comfort from my company and from chatting, it
grew some laughter in it. Actually at times (lucky thing it wasn't frequent), I did not understand what she was saying. Her Japanese accent with little tint of singlish that comes along with it, was weird but comprehendible. Nevertheless, she looked so cute, especially when she smiled that I have this burning urge to pinch her cheek.

After finishing our drinks, we made our way to the Cinema, after we decide and made purchase for Shallow Hal. It was comedy show and Jerry said that comedies is good way to remember a first date. At least she won't be crying while watching a sad movie and I had to cheer her up later, although horror show seemed like a whole lot better option to me. Hiak!

The movie is talking about Hal Larsen, the ultimate shallow guy. He judged woman by appearance and in the end he got hypnotize by this guy who made him sees woman by their character instead of physical beauty. Rosemary, the lead actress came into the picture and he
fell in love with her, without realizing that she is not what he thinks she looked like.

The story is a mixture of hearts, laughs and emotions and at the end of the show, I could see watery tears rimming around Yukiko's eyes. What the hell? Well. at the very least she understand the story, which was my first fear. We walked out of the Cinema and out of Plaza Singapura, while I tried to reassure her that the world was still spinning and it was only a show.

'Cloud. do you think there are people like that?'

'Sure. of course. that is the real world.'

'Why must guys like pretty girls?'

I was momentarily taken aback by a suddenquestion. I asked myselfand the answer that came up doesn't seemed toogood.

'Because human like to see pretty things? I mean you would like tosee good looking guys too right?'

'But good-looking guys don't give me security.That's why I don't like good-looking guys.'

My heart screamed another point of victory; I amnot good looking -I am decent looking, the second closest to handsome. Even thoughshe never really answered my question, but I love
her reply.

'What about you Cloud? Do you like pretty girlstoo?'

THIS KIND of question AGAIN? If I said yes, I willappear ****shallow. If I say no I am lying to myself. Gawd! I need the best of both world answer.

'Me?'

I was trying to buy time as she nodded her head almost immediately.

'Well. I think I prefer. cute girls like. you!'

My system was undergoing this contained stress and it is making me go nuts every time she throws questions like these to stumble me. She blushed and tapped my head lightly. Oh man,
I think I am not gonna wash my hair today.

'Don't be silly.'

I know that sentence was just to cover her embarrassment, just like me laughing whenever I made mushy remarks.

I decided to sent her home by bus as I think this is the very least what a guy should do. We boarded the bus, the same bus 171 where we always take - We recognized the bus driver.

'Boy ar. not bad ar. get to know her liao.last time you both dunno each other wan right?'

It was the bus driver and I nodded in faintly agreement with him and smiled my way through, while she giggled uncontrollably. We choose a seat at the far back and sat down.

'This driver is always very chatty, don't bother about him. I always seen him talking to other passengers.'

She shaped a smile from her lips.

Suddenly, she took the bus tickets I was holding.

'Look away first!'

I did as I was told and after five minutes she hold my waist and put her fist onto my hands. Am I in heaven?

'I have nothing to give you, so I made this two heart myself. One for you, one for me.'

I looked at her origami made from bus tickets and wondered whether I should do something similar. I appreciate her effort though - I thanked her.

Finally her stop arrived and she had to align. We got down and I insisted in sending her all the way till her block.

'It's ok. It's not good if I am being seen by my neighbours with a guy so late at night you know.'

I nodded and finally relented. Well, every date has to part eventually right?

I watched her fade into her estate and until I caught zero glimpse of her.

I am in LOVE with TODAY.

--------------------------

For the next few months, we chatted everyday and each time I felt that I am slipping into this pit of angelic darkness called love. She told me she couldn't go out very often as her guardian is very strict - finally she is talking more about herself. Her parents are overseas working, leaving her all alone, which contribute reasons for her character. I know she longs for my company like I longs for hers. We are like one in-separate-able pair of best friend. Whatever problems she has, she consulted me and I will be there to give my expertise advice. Maybe this is what true
love is, someone to be there regardless of whether you two are together - someone to guide, shield and depend. Jerry, the woman's men, said that I am wasting too much time on a single girl. I should have just pop the question and leave the thinking to her, after all life is too short to spend on one person. But the urge to reveal my feeling hasn't reached to such stage for desperation yet. Maybe next time I would, but when is the right time?

'Cloud. I have something to ask you.'

Oh no, not again?

'What do you think of me?.'

Oh ^!&#, peer evaluating time! Even though I speak easily to myself, when it comes to expressing to HER, I am score an F9 for it.

'Cute? And you are a very good friend of mine.'

'That all?.'

What do you mean that's all? Oh dear, I have to say something that she wants to hear or forever I will be condemn in her eyes.
Noooooooo...

I decide to avoid the question using my avoidance tactics.

'There is a lot of things in my heart that I feel about you, but in this short span of time, I can't express it out. But regardless of what is it, I want to let you know that treasure you a lot.'

Phew, lucky thing I manage to come out with this marvellous sentence. It seemed that after the episode of knowing her, I am beginning to learn the trades of using words.

'.'

I didn't know how to reply her smile and decide to leave it until she reply me with something else. Five minutes went by and I am starting ponder whether I should reply anything.

'Cloud. can we meet for dinner tomorrow?'

Another date! Yeah I screamed literally at my computer scream as she is able to go out once more, with me.

'Sure! What about your guardian? She allows you to go out?'

'Yes, she allow me to go out tomorrow.'

'Ok. we meet at Mac at Parklane ok?'

'/me nodded her head.'

'Ok I have to go offline now. remember don't be so early ok?. I feel bad if you have to wait for me.'

I smiled at her consideration for me.

Before I could reply with anything, her nick has quit IRC. Guess that I have to wait for tomorrow to see her again.

-----------------------------


I arrived early as usual, this time about 15 minutes earlier, waiting for her outside Macdonald patiently. Reckoning about her sudden wanting to meet me suggested motives, that's what TV drama always show. Maybe she needed a large sum of money, borrow from me and then disappear into thin air. hiak. the effect of TOO much TV. again.

As I was busy throwing impossible scenarios into the pictures to cease my tension, she stood in front of me. As I looked up, I noticed her face is getting fairer and whiter to the extend of being pale, but nevertheless her sparkling eyes never loses its glow. Must be the effect of those skin whitening Japanese beauty product.

'Waited long?'

'Only about 5 minutes.'

My first lie I made to her. But it was for good cause.

We went into Mac and sat near the window seats, where we could look out towards the roadside.

'What do you want, I buy for you.'

'You eat anything, I eat anything.'

I went to buy for her and decide upon Mac Nuggets Meal as she is a small eater. Less than an instant, 2 packets of large fries, 2 large coke and two boxes of 6-pieces nugget was on the tray as I carried them. Somehow, I noticed that she was looking at me with such mesmerizing effect that I nearly unbalanced myself.

'Cloud. why are you so good to me?.'

Good? What you mean good? You mean you want me to trick you to bed and after that meet about for sessions like this? Thinking back, only ******* guys would do that and being a good guy, I shall uphold my reputation.

'What you mean?'

'Before those day when you wanted to know me, I was actually getting a little irritated when you stalked me.'

'Oh really?. I must have seen like a pervert or something to you right?.'

She giggled out of a sudden and I wondered what she meant.

'But then again. till now, I realize that you are different from other guys that wanted to know me.'

What? There are other idiots doing the same thing too? Oh well, I am NOT surprised, considering her lovable nature and attractiveness.

'You are my best friend and appreciated it. and must be fated that will know each other right?'

Fate again. Why must woman always bring up the topic of fate everytime when it comes to relation of any kind? I nodded my head a little. She seemed a little solemn today and I reckoned that if there is anything I could give in to her, I should give in. I tried to cheer her up a little as the topic she started were on the emotional side. I spoke some joke and she giggled a little as we continue to our meals. Sometimes I feel that she is the only person in the world that appreciate what I am doing - be it stupid, silly, cute, dumb or whatever $@%!. It is not much, but she always responded.

We finished our meals and were playing with our straws like little kids. As we had our little 'fighting', I looked into her eyes and her eyes seemed to tell me that she may have gone through a lot of in during these period. I don't know what was the problem may be, but all my mind was telling me was to make her happy - simple and sincere.

'Can we go somewhere where I could see the sea?'

We took a taxi down to Marina Bay. Reached in while moment, we got out and walked close to the shores where the waves roar in protest from the raging winds. The sky is densely clouded
and the breezes is strong, but just nice enough for comfort. We sat down side by side and watched the waves continual sweeping up the shores.

Suddenly she position and lean herself on my back with her head facing up, looking at the nightly sky. I told myself never would I forget such day. The first intimate bodily contact I had with a girl back to back, just like two hearts melted in one. We spoke nothing, just revelling in nature's enjoyment.

'The sky is beautiful right?.'

I looked at the sky and to me, it appeared as if it's going to rain soon. Then she stopped leaning on me, and looked into me. As if a soldier going for war, my gaze never left hers - I have decide not to avoid it. We studied each other gaze for a moment and after what seemed like eternity, I could see a layer of wetness in her eyes.

'Cloud. would you remember me?.'

Actually I was wondering why she sobbed, but it seemed that maybe she wants to bring out something to tell me and I suspect it is nothing good. I nodded my head to her question and her gaze move onto the rough sea.

'Why? I will never forget you. is there something wrong?'

She kept quiet, rolling her vision between the sea and the sky before looking down...

I. have to go back Japan.'

Like a prick on bubbles, an internal implosion occurred within me. Don't tell me all the fantasy I am having is coming to an end? If this was a dream, I pray that I will never wake up from it.

'I understand. your parents are over there and they worried for you.'

Even though I am fighting inside, I had to put on a brave front. Well, she isn't my girlfriend or something, I can't demand her not to leave. Girls of her age needs their parents to be with them more than friends.

'Will you come and visit me if I ask you to?.'

'Yes of course! I will!. Can we still contact through IRC?'

I was hoping for a small miracle, its nothing much, but at least I could still talk to her online.

'I don't think I have computer or internet connection at my house.'

The atmosphere is getting intense and to make matter worst, the I could feel a drop of water falling on my skin.

'Then. its ok. we could chat on the phone whenever we can and I think we better leave now, it's going to rain.'

We both got up and walked hastily towards the road in trying to catch a cab, but halfway through, the merciless weather started pouring heavily. Even though I just had a shock from what she had just told me, in the present moment, in my mind, all I thought of is to shield her from the chilling rain as I didn't want her to fall sick. My hands formed a tiny, little barrier and covers her head. It is **** dumb and I don't understand why am I doing such acts - it won't block the rain from drenching her.

Then, I saw a coming taxi driving and I flagged it.

'You are so silly Cloud.'

The next thing I knew, we were in the cab pretty drenched. I told the uncle to reduce the air-con to the lowest and put my arms around her shoulder, rubbing her arms to gain some heat. Gradually, for some reasons, she was in my embrace and I was stroking her soaked hair. Her eyes were kept closed and my fingers travelled to her cheeks. Pinching lightly to fulfil my long awaited-desire, she opened her eyes, like an awaken baby in the morning. My index finger teased her dimples a little as she felt tickled and ruffled her head in between my arms and chest.

All good things must come to an end - the cab reached her place and lucky thing, there was shelter to her house. I told the uncle to wait for a while and got out of the cab with her.

'When are you leaving then.?'

'Tomorrow.'

Tomorrow? Did I just hear wrongly? What's the rush? Sometimes, reality is extremely cruel - heaven makes sport of men.

'I am suppose to tell you earlier, but I can't bear to.'

She is right. If she told me earlier, my feelings would be just like dying patients with the last stage of cancer - waiting for THAT day. It's terrible!

'Would you see me off?.'

In my heart, there is this robust urge of seeing her every second, but if I were to see her off, the scene would be unimaginable. My mind and soul won't be able to endure the parting scene.

'I think, we should just keep this the last meeting then.'

I actually managed to smile and kept this mask of mine, this brave front indestructible. It remains on my face emotionlessly and dead.

'Well. perhaps it's better if we keep it this way. By the count of three, we both just walk off to our destination and never look back ok?

She nodded and I could see her tears closed to spilling out.

'3.2.1.'

---------------------------

Boy ar, come, drink this.'

It was close to my June examination and my mum knocked and came into my room, bringing me the usual examination brain tonic - Chicken Essence. I gulped down the entire bottle and sat by my study table in my room. Working through last year papers has driven me to the pinnacle of madness. I looked out of my room's window and thought of Yukiko, again.

It has been a few months since I last saw or heard from her. After the scene at her estate and we promise not to look back at each other, I never turn back to even have my last glance. I feel that I already had my last glance when I spoke my last words to her. As I depart, I controlled myself emotionally and force my tears back to its origin. For a guy's image, I can't allow such feelings to overpower me.

I went online that day and see if she was there using another nick, but no she wasn't. I know it already passed midnight, but I finally succumb to my inner self and wanted to make sure I won't think back and regret on the fact that I never check whether she was online that day.

I don't know why she never contacts me since then, but I know she has her reasons. Maybe she lost my number over there, maybe she is busy adapting to her new life. or maybe she has forgotten me? No can't be! How can that be? How can the scenarios that have been taken place be so easily forgotten? The day I knew her, our chats, the movie, dinner, straws fighting, the beach, the unexpected rain, the cuddle and every other tiny little details. Is this piece of dreamland meant to be only a dream?

Tomorrow is the beginning of my exam. I rubbed my eyes a little and stretched, telling myself not to ponder over past issues as it may affect my exam performance. I went back to my books and paper and continue began working on it.

'Boy ar! Your phone!'

My phone? At such hours of the night?

'Hello?.'

There was no respond, but somehow I had this feeling that it was her.

'Yukiko?? Is that you?'

I was praying and gripping the phone hard, hoping that a miracle could happen.

'How. how you know it was me?.'

'I smart what! Hey! I never hear from you SO LONG!'

I emphasised on the words 'So long' as if I had never heard anything from her for few decades. The first thing I did was to told her to hang on for a moment and screamed at the top of my
voice, literally. My happiness could not contain inside me and I need to release it. Then I scolded her, in gentle tone, for not contacting me and making me so worried for her.

'Sorry. I can't use the phone here for very long too.'

Actually, I don't mind the duration of her calls - I just wanted to hear her voice so badly.

'Miss me?.'

'For making me worried and missing you so badly, you shall treat memovie the next time I see you.'

I used the same trick again. HAHAHA!

We spoke on the phone and talked like old friends and the pressing examination stress seemed to have vanished. I was hoping in my heart that time will freeze so that we could chat till
the end of time.

'Cloud. remember that day when I ask you if you would visit me in Japan and you said you would.?'

'Yes? You want me to go over? Ok sure, tell me your address. I will go over right after my examination next sat.'

'Next sat?. examination?. that is when?'

'Maybe 28 May or slightly later.Yeah. tell me your address?.'

I jolted down her contacts in Japan and kiss it.

'Cloud. I got to go already. can't talk anymore. Before I put down, is there anything you want to tell me?.'

'Take lots of care ok? I can't wait to see you soon!'

'You put down first Cloud. I don't want you to see me hang up on you.'

With that a heavy heart our conversation ended as I put the phone down. In preparation for the coming trip to Japan, I hurried my revision, determined to do well so that I could
psycho my mum to pay for my trip. I thank you God for giving me this chance!! HOORAY!

*Days passed*

Finally I am close to finishing my examination - today is the last paper. I was home, like all other days, doing my revision. My mum says that if I do finish this examination, she would
pay for my tickets, provided I give her my words that my results will be good when it is out. Regardless. I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE! I want to see her so badly and life has been good to me, even though little setbacks filled along the way, but I love the surprises Cupid has in store for me.

From morning till night, I have been studying non-stop, although my mind wandered on the thought of seeing her again. For the sake of going over, everything is worth it.

Then, in amidst of studying, my mum calls for me and I guess it must be regarding the trip over. Hehz. Yeah I will see her soon!

---------------------------

'Boy ar. a letter for you.'

Huh? A letter for me? I had never receive a letter addressed to me before. I examined the envelope and it wrote ' To Cloud' on the front. Curiously, I tear opened and a letter fell out.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------
Dear Cloud,

Before I began, I apologise for not telling you everything about myself. In this world, if there is one person I wouldn't want to see crying - it would have been you.

I wrote this letter on the night when we parted and promise not to look back. Actually I broke the promise; I did looked back, because I feared that I may not have the chance to see you
again this lifetime. I know you are putting on a brave front because as a
woman I could cry and I know you would be there to console me, but someone has to be the stronger one to console and reassure right?

The reasons why I have to go back to Japan is because I am suffering from a rare case of a blood cancer that may claim my life very soon if it is not treated. My parents wants me to go back to
take a major operation there because if this operation were to fail, I would disappear from the surface of the world and they wants to be with me during this period, that's why I ask you if you would come to visit me if I ask you to.

The success rate of this operation is only 30% and anything could happen. So I want to tell you that I appreciate your company, your advices, everything you did or said. I giggled to myself every night after we chatted online and I began to ask myself if I fell in love with you. I guess I did, although you never express yourself to me. Perhaps it is just one sided, but no wrong liking you what right?

You told me you rather wait for the special one, and I told you I will also wait for mine. During the time when I was cuddling in you, I knew that you are the one. I hope that the cab could drive slower because I may not get the chance to cuddle in you again. You may find a girlfriend by then, or I am already in heaven watching over you.

My operation begins on 24 May and I will call you maybe a week plus before to fulfil thepromise you said you would come over and visit me in Japan. By then you would know the truth and I could see you for the last time, at least.

But then again, if you receive this letter through mail sent by my guardian, it means that I have already gone, leaving my physical body, leaving my suffering and of course, leaving this world. But do not despair, as I will always be around you, shielding you like what you did, in vain, to protect me from the rain today. You said you are not romantic at all, but to me, you are the best a guy could be.

I am feeling a little tired writing this letter, but I am determine to finish what I had to say. If there is one thing final question I want you to ask me, it would be you asking me whether if I like good-looking guys. No, I don't like them because I like guys like YOU - unique and extraordinary, just like Rosemary in the movie we watched together. This distinct character could only be found in you and I want you to kept it that way for I like the way you are, not the way you looked.

I love you, Cloud. very much.
Yukiko
---------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

Tears I have been fighting back, at this time broke from my resistance barrier and roll down my cheek as I saw the date today - 27 May. I was rooted to the ground, totally defeated, lying at the mercy of my ill-fated destiny. I clutched my head tightly as trains of disillusioned thoughts sinks into my mind. Why DIDN'T I LEFT Singapore to Japan? I should have hack care about my examination to be with her, her final days. I should not have delay the trip over.
I should not.

Decisions, most of the times, have cruel consequences regardless of which options I chose. I was at the verge of mental breakdown, totally confused and helpless, like a baby in crossfire, weeping silently to myself for the tears I owe her and for the lack of courage to express my feeling. She was waiting for me to pop the question! And I never did! I should have fuc-king listen to Jerry. At the very least, I could let her know HOW MUCH she meant to me and how much I loved her.

I knew something is happening to me.

I was crying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As expected, my results were good. Since that day, I never spoke much because I was hurt, disappointed and regretted beyond words. I sat at the bus stop where I first saw her and every scene replay itself in my mind, like a drama. I recalled that she still owe me a movie treat - although this could never happen and thinking of it, made me sink deeper into this whirlpool of depression.

Clutching tightly onto the heart origami that she made, I waited for the bus and soon, it arrived.

I took it and realise that it was the same bus driver again.

'Eh boy ar. why your girlfriend not with you ar?.'

I smiled at him and pointed to my heart.

'Nope! She is with me. all the time.'

i went to watch "SHUTTER" yesterday with the lady at jurong point. *laughs* at first, i was scared to shit.. hahaha.. actually, when she proposed to watch the movie a few days ago, i was having seconds thoughts about it.. khekhekhe.. firstly cos it has happened before and secondly, it's a thai movie. meaning, the way they show the ghost will make you jump out of your seat! hahaha... however, i give the plot a 6.5/10 cos we can actually guess some parts of the movie... and it's a little similar to the movie "what lies beneath" except more heart-stopping moments... hahaha! for the overall production of the movie, i'd give it a 7/10! hahaha.. wuuhooO! i jumped out of my seats several times ... hahahaha

there's another jalan raya today... ah.. so lazy to go... and it's not like i've talked to most of the people who's going today... hahaha.. yah.. so it's like, i dunno them but i know them... get it? ahhhh nvm.. hahaha..

have a great day everyone~
and you too my love... *muacks*

oh yah! and i meant to say....
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY NOORHANA ATIQAH!!!!!!

everyday i love you more and more...

till the day my life is through...

there's only you for me...

i love you, i love you, i love youuuU~~~

*chuckles and smiles at himself*
i know it's supposed to be a few days ago.. haha.. but i've been busy.. hehehe.. love you~

harlow~ yeah.. havent been updating again.. that just shows how much i use the computer these few days... *laughs* actually, i've been quite busy ah..

last sunday, we had the pjc hari raya outing! haha. i enjoyed the food.. haha.. definitely. though i didnt talk a lot to the guys or girls.. heh.. it's not like i know them well during jc either... so in the end, i .. erm.. i stick with my gf... hahaha.. the one and only ms hana.. khekhe.. yepz.. and yah la i talked to my classmates.. hehe.. lots of photos.. i think i might post them here.. haha... might only.. :P

then the next day, i had in-camp training for 2 days. by then, i have had developed flu and fever. i had thought of reporting sick on monday but then, it's in-camp training for the upcoming field camp.. so, i tot it won't hurt to attend it so that i'll be prepared for the field camp... apparently, on tuesday, my fever got worse.. my whole body was shivering although mybody felt hot... i went to the polyclinic on thursday and i tot, "hey, at least i could get an mc and MEDICINE to cure my sickness" ... that doesnt seem to be the case...
firstly, the FEMALE doctor took forever to call the next patient. it's like, everyone waited for at least an hour before their number was called. and it's not like there's a lot of people.. only 3 patients before me... and all she did was call a patient, attend to them for 5 mins, wait for 10 mins in the room doing dunno-what, and call another number... urgh! k and so, i endured.. then i said i had fever.. she said i dun.. i said i had stomach cramps and i felt dizzy and wanted to vomit... she said i am having constipation... den.. DEN, she decided to get my blood tested for fever.. so she sent me to the lab for blood testing.. she said i could enter after the next patient left the room..... IN THE END, i had to register there and waited a freaking ONE hour for them to take my blood sample and return my results... i got the results 5 mins after they took my blood... after they told me that i have to wait 30 mins for it... *shakes head* and so.. fine, i went back to the doctor and waited for my number to be called... another 30 mins of waiting.. 5 mins of comfirmation and down to the pharmacy... all the doctor said was, "WOW, your sample looks wonderful. there's nothing wrong with you" wth!!! if only i had fainted or vomitted there... ah.. serve them right...
so i went down to the pharmacy... and i had to wait another 30 mins for my medicine.. and guess what? i get NO MC, NO time chit, and i almost died there... that's what u get for relying on public medical care...... sheesh.. and till today, i'm still feeling giddy and having cramps.. oh yah.. the medicine that she gave me was paracetamol, some medicine to suck on, and a CONSTIPATION medicine.. and none of these cured anything.. in fact, i had more problems.. my back and neck strained like mad... i have trouble moving them... and today, my left shoulders felt strained.. and i feel tight cramps on my left chests sometimes... hahaha... wonderful life~ yepz!

oh yah.. and i met my most wonderful girl in the world yesterday.. haha.. apparently, she decided to drop by tampines to meet me.. *giggles* so sweet la she.. haha.. so as usual, hhehe.. i sent her home.. and.. guess what? i met her mum on the way home.. WAHAHHAHA.. =P "eh cik farhan! dah hantar dia balik?" hahahahaha *meaning, "eh mr farhan! sent her home already?"* khekhekhe oh well.. hahaha.. lalala..

havent been myself lately.. yeah. probably because of the sickness and stuff.. and field camp's coming up, my commitments to family and gf.. *hhehehe*, ippt on the 7th, imt on the 10th, range on the 20th and 22nd, and that's the end of december.. sheesh.. and january, i might not even be here in singapore... it'll be overseas posting to brunei... as of this week, i dun even feel as if this is the second week of hari raya.. ahhhh.. so tiring... all i want to do, is spend time with my family and princess... yeah..

I can't keep myself from thinking about you
It's because I love you, and I know that it's true, whoooa
I'll call it desperation, can't you see it in my eyes?
That I want be with you until the sun falls from the sky

I had a deepavali cum hari raya aidilfitri celebration yesterday in camp. it's called deeparaya.. hahaha.. rite. i had fun.. lots of fun.. haha.. although i reached home at 2315 .. heh..

haha.. i just knew that i had to perform on the day itself.. ahahhaha! imagine that.. i havent had any training or whatsoever.. btw, we did dikir barat for the malay performance.. hahaha.. imagine the warrant officers and regulars having fun. hehe.. so i had only 4 to 5 practices and that night, we perform the show. hahaha... been quite a while since i did dikir barat. heh.

yeah... and i have the song that i'm attracted to now.. it means a lot .. hehe.. yeah... it was sung yesterday.. hehe..

Dua Insan

P : Bila kau senyum, ku gembira
Bila kau sedih, ku menangis
Bagai taman rindukan kembang
Ku rindu pada mu oh! sayang

L : Di mana saja kau berada
Ku kan tetap bersama mu
Walaupun jasad mu jauh
Namun hati mu dekat selalu

Walau duri halangan menimpa
Bila cinta ada ku tetap setia
Hanya dikau dan asmara
Membuat hidup ku bagai
Dalam Syurga

P : Biar masa berganti masa
Biar pun musim berubah
Telah ku katakan padamu oh! sayang

P/L : Hanya kuasa Tuhan dapat memisahkan

P : Jika kau tanya pada rembulan
Mengapa cahaya berseri-seri
Tentu jawabnya kepada mu
Kerna dikau cinta pada ku

L : Ku persembahkan kepada mu
Sekuntum bunga mawar merah
Kau terima sambil tersenyum
Kembang yang harum kau cium

Bila saja halangan menimpa
Kerna cinta ada ku tetap setia
Hanya dikau dan asmara
Membuat hidupku bagai
Dalam Syurga

P : Dua insan sedang bercinta
Dua insan berjanji setia
Telah ku katakan pada mu oh! sayang

P/L :
Hanya kuasa Tuhan dapat memisahkan

yepz... that's a nice old malay song.. hehe..
lalala

I was walking along in the sun
Taking pictures of everyone
And there's something on the tip of my tongue
Oh

Well it's easy to see from afar
And it's easy to be on your guard
But it's harder just to be who you are
Oh

When all these
People who will lead you down the back of the track
They're on your back
They will try and tear you apart
But believe and you will see that there's no reason to doubt
Then you will find
You can do much better than that
If you think of all the things that you feel
All the voices in your head that you hear
It's a mystery that we are all still holding on

When all these
People who will lead you down the back of the track
They're on your back
They will try and tear you apart
But believe and you will see that there's no reason to doubt
And you will find
You can do much better than that

If you see me hit the ground
Don't come near don't make a sound

I was walking along in the sun
Taking pictures of everyone
And there's something on the tip of my tongue

yaay yaay!! tmrw's hari raya! wahahhaha!! i cant wait.. nyehehehe!!

house cleaning has already begun since deepavali. i took a day leave yesterday to clean my room.. haha.. it's still in a mess btw.. heh.. it's all dusty and full of A level rubbish.. so now, all i have to do left is to mop the floor, change the cushion cover, clean the toilets, rearrange my room and fix the curtains and carpet... hahahaha yes lah!! hari raya~~ wuuhoo~~

there are many outings for me to attend.. pri sch, 2 sec sch outings, 2 jc outings, 2 army outings... sheesh.. on top of that, family outings.. ahahaha.. how to fit it in on the weekends seh~ however, the confirmed ones are the 2 jc outings and one sec sch outing.. hahaha.. at least, that's a breather.. haha.. oh yah, forgot to mention that there's also the all girls + a guy outing.. heh.. dun think i'll be going for that one.. hahaha.. *peace*

recently i bought The Sims 2! well, not much difference from The Sims + expansions in terms of gameplay, but there are new features in it.. like wants/fears, different aspirations in life which will determine how long the Sim lives, the sims can grow from a baby to toddler to child to teen to adult to mature... and then they die.. and yes, you can pass down your family line in which u can view the family tree! and in this version too, the kids take over some of the personalities of the parents and of cos, the way they look.. hahaha.. it's cool! so, if ur up to the new features, this is a great item to buy. but if u want improvement in terms of gameplay, it's safer to stick to the lower requirement The Sims. this new version requires 3.5GB of disk space plus good graphics card and RAM. unless you have a high end computer, this game will not even start.. more information can be found at http://thesims2.ea.com ...

army's been fine.. some batallion events are coming up.. like the single's nite on the 3rd of december.. and then, there's the festive celebration on the 19th of november.. specifically, the whole of last week and the week before was spent doing on 1 vehicle. first we had to do 40k servicing for it.. meaning, changing all the lubricating oil from the axles, gearbox, transfer gearbox, engine and cvj. on top of that, we had to change the timing belt which controls the combustion of the engine, as in, when the diesel is sprayed into the combustion chamber. it's a freaking tedious process cos u have to remove the alternator, fan and vacuum pump belts. den remove the fan and the cowling. den remove the water pump assembly, den remove the engine cover, den remove the crankshaft bolt, den remove the belt, adjust the alignment of the three gears, and fix back everything.... sheesh... so okie.. that was fine.. den someone over tightened the rear axle filler plug... sheesh.. we had to remove the axle cover and waited for 4 days for it to arrive... den after fixing everything up, the warning buzzer didnt work.. so we started on electrical... after a few hours, we get it to sound.. after fixing and tapping on the wires, we started the engine... and the whole compartment burst out in flames.. wahhahahaha.. which means, more work to do cos the wires got burnt.. den we had to rewire several wires... remove this and that... and jeng jeng, we got the buzzer to work normally... that took 3 days... however, the voltmeter didnt work now... so, we spent 2 days to figure out why.. and it's all because the bulb at the voltmeter didnt get a good earthing.. sheesh! so that worked as well... and den.. the speedometer didnt show any reading.. after checking, we found out the speedometer cable to the t-case was snapped... so we indented another one.. and that also snapped... so we tried again.. and that snapped too.... den we checked the speedometer... the swd sensor was tightened with the wrong SCREW! wth... so, that prevented the thing from turning.. and hence, affected the reading and the snapping of the wires.. sigh.. hahaha.. and the whole process took us 3 days to complete... so.. *phew.. long sia* i'm happy that the vehicle's out... wahahhahahaha!!

and i miss my sayang.. i want to meet her but it's still the fasting month.. sigh.. she cant really go out at night during this month.. sigh.. oh well, hope it'll be better after hari raya.. hehehe.. and THAT'S why i'm looking forward to it.. hahahahahaha..

I felt so all alone
And at times afraid
That love had foresaken me
It just seemed that way
Then you walked into my life
And you turned my whole world around
Ours is a true love
It can't be found

I love you baby... selamat hari raya to you..
and all Muslims around the world...

hey hey~ someone insist that i update the blog as often as i can. hmm.. wonder who.. *laughs*

anyway, today's friday! yaay~ which means.. tmrw's saturday and the day after is sunday! which also means.. tmrw go out with sayang.. and sunday guard duty! hahaha.. and... she doesnt know abt the duty ... yet.. heh..

at work, still doing the same vehicle.. same problem.. it's this electrical problem that was caused by the burning wires... it's like this..
we wanted to pass out the vehicle a few days ago.. heh. all the problems were solved.. even done the road test... den we realised the buzzer for the ignition wasnt working.. so we took out the cover, find the buzzer, and look for the wire.. apparently, the wire wasnt connected properly.. so after testing it, the buzzer worked properly.. so we had to join the wires and connect them to the buzzer... once that was done, we tried again.. hahaha.. the buzzer sounded... and an explosion occured! wahhaha..thick white smoke covered the whole of the driver's seat... wahhaha.. den after removing the wires.. we tried again.. this time, without even starting the vehicle, the thing burnt again.. wahhahaha! cool...
so the wires that were burnt were the ones leading to the comparator, the starter relay, the buzzer and the alternator relay switch.... hahaha.. took half a day to rewire the whole bloody thing... and to make matters worse, the connectors are tight ... so cant really fit into the relay.. so it took quite some time to fix them up...
den after fixing everything up, the buzzer cant stop buzzing.. *sheesh!*
after another half a day of figuring it out, it was time to pass out the vehicle...
then they tested the lighting.. and when the lights are on... the voltmeter shows no reading.. urgh! another electrical problem..
hahaha.. so we took out the dashboard, took out the illumination switch, check the lighting connection, check the earth cable.. check the battery wires... den in the end, the problem lies in the bulb itself... the bulb that lights up the voltmeter and ammeter.. hahaha apparently, the bulb's earth wire wasnt working.. heh.. we cracked our brains just to find that small problem.. sheesh..

hahahaha.. and i got electrocuted in the process.. i created sparks with the wires.. wahhaha.. cool stuff... hey, at least the battery and engine didnt explode rite? though i wish it had earlier today.. wahhahaha..
AAANNNNYYWAAAYY.... i cant wait for hari raya.. hahaha yaay!!!

had bbq at kranji camp just now.. fmc and mmc cohesion bbq.. hahaha had food.. lots of food.. but lazy to bbq.. hahaha.. in the end, we left at 2030 instead.. hahahaha...

i love you.. *smiles*
nite everyone...

i envy guys with abs... haha.. probably because i can have it too but i dun train enough... *sniggers* hopefully after puasa i'll embark into a full body workout just for the abs and on alternate days i'll be running at least 8 km. yeahhh!! welcome abs!! oh, this has its consequences too. it means less meetings with sayang.. *ponders*

anyway, i just ended my saturday guard duty. hehe. wasnt so bad. i had 4 details of prowling to do. 2 in the morning and 2 at night. hahaha.. i was very very tired during my first and second detail.. hahaha.. cos i'm fasting and the weather is so hot.. and maybe due to some other reason.. *laughs at his own mysteriousness* haha.. anyway, we had laksa for break fast. verrrrrrrry verrry a lot of santan... hahaha.. felt so full after that.. *chuckles*

and sorry for not updating for quite some time.. hehe.. i cant multitask u see... so when sayang calls, i cant use the computer.. ahhh.. which means, no updates.. hehe..

previous happenings that occured was that i'm not going on the 30th! hahaha... which explains why i had guard duty last night.. yeah.. my friend hafiz willingly replaced me.. *thank you!!* sighs, i'm sorry that i didnt get to see him off last night. hope he'll have a great time there. DUN WORRY BRUDDER! I'LL BE GOING THERE NEXT YEAR!!!

and councillors were so kind and caring to organise a farewell dinner for me.. hahaha.. which instead turned out to be a lets-hit-farhan-session-cos-hes-not-going soon.. hahaha.. well, we had fun... shirlynn and casey talking about their classes where they had to strip down to just their bras and undies.. hahahaha... i want to pursue physio too.. *LAUGHS* but by the time i get into physio course, i'll have my abs.. yeah! and of cos, the whole group was making lots of noise that the other patrons were constantly looking at what's tickling the whole group of kids in the middle of the night... heh...

and if u guys expect an update on my sayang, well, i'm very very very much in love with her. *giggles* it's so hard to say goodbye... even for a year to brunei.. uhhu.. and as of now, she's still asleep... oh wait.. *hears his hp ringing* i think she just woke up! wahhaha.. see how telepathy works when i think about her... yeah... so.. hopefully she'll be online soon! see ya guys!

Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do
I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's where you found me
When you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time

Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest
I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you
And how you needed me too
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've been hoping too hard
But I've gone this far
And it's more than I hoped for

Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances
I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time

I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself
Hold on to your heart
Now I know the woman that you are
You're wonderful so far
And it's more than I hoped for

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know. 15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

A Minute
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.
Send this phrase to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgot your friends,
Take the time... to live and love.

sheesh..... kak zarinah is zubaidah's sister.. zubaidah is the girl who sat on his right in secondary school.. and she's his best friend then.. haha.. nonsense people.. :P not that i'm not.. hahahaha
Posted by Hello

okie.. announcement... my sec school friend's sister... who is zubby's sister.. named.. ZARINAH, is fiza's COUSIN's GF... sheesh.. can things get any weirder....? hahahaha

oh well...

above is the pic kak zarinah took.. hahaha.. which of cos bedah has.. erm.. aka zubby.. haha

yes yes! had a great day yesterday!

first off, the day started with a trip down to PJC for... OPEN HOUSE!!!!!
wuuhoO!!!!! yeah.. i went to meet sayang and her brothers, 3 of them, at choa chu kang mrt station... hahaha. and of cos they had to mistook someone who was wearing a PJC uniform, who has a goatie, and who's taller than me, for me.... sheesh! why would i be wearing a PJC uniform in the first place seh~ she brought along her 5 and 8 year old brothers.. hahaha... and i recall one of the girls in school was flirting with the 8 year old... WAHHAHAHA!!! she was wearing a camouflaged pants. so if you're the one and you're reading this, well.. hahaha..

the goodie bag was interesting. they had sponsors from MCDONALDS, SKATELINE, M1 !! there's a journal in it, frisbee, NEWater, sweets, *cant recall anymore* hahahaha... first off that i noticed when we arrived was that, the 5th student council was wearing a YELLOW JERSEY! *faints* cant they get another colour...? why must it be similar to the 3rd student council's colour......?? ah..

oh, then in the concourse, there's the mcdonald's booth, bubble tea booth, skateline booth and the DJ booth. sheesh! most of the stuffs there went for only 1 dollar per item. like lemon tea, 2 cups for 1 dollar! and any mix of flavours for the bubble tea costs only 1 dollar!!!! and the skates provided by skateline is FREE!!! sheeeeeeeeesssssshhhhh!!! and i met the councillors at the concourse.. hahaha.. and all the enthu people, OGLs of my time, also.. hahaha.. coolnesss~ feels like school all over again...

den at the canteen, there were lots of items on sale. game booths were set up by the different CCA committee... and of cos, there were lots of booths selling drinks... ahhhhhh.. there were performances too, by mats band, art soc doing bhangra dance to hindi music, and wannabe PJC idols ... hahaha...

den we went up to the hall to look at the booths there and a councillor tot that i'm still a secondary 4 student who's taking my O levels this year.. wahhaha.. and of cos, i had to disturb that poor councillor by asking what special sports PJC has.. hahaha.. and, she cant tell me.. heh.. instead, she asked what kind of sports i'm looking for.. hahahahaha!! farhan farhan.. .disturb ppl only....

den we go towards the classrooms and the maths soc, "haunted house", and IT club set up their boooths.. hahaha. hana's brothers, hakim and harith, decided to go thru the haunted house.. hahaha.. oh, it's 1 dollar per ticket.. and cos many people were queueing up, we detour to the IT club booth after purchasing the tickets. den, of cos i had to disturb them again.. hahaha.. a guy approached me asking if i wanna play games and beat the highest score.. wahahha *dun they know that's my forte* and i went, "is this what you guys always do in IT club?" while pointing at the screen with this cool game.. hahaha... and he said they play games only when the teacher in charge's not around.. haha.. and i said "cool~! maybe i should consider IT club as my cca" *giggles giggles* oh, and at this point of time, sayang was giving me an unbelieving smirk.. =P she's probably wondering why i'm disturbing all these kids here.. haha..

den we proceeded to the basketball courts... they hockey set up a floorball booth... yaayneesss! and it's the same people that me,khairul, mat, and 3 other guys trashed during arts day earlier this year.. hahahahahahahaha! and they're the SCHOOL TEAM! the hockey girl has been persuading us to play the game since we got into PJC.. aha.. so since we're already at their booth, the 2 kids decided to play the game.. *laughs* the stick was taller than them.. AHhaHAhaH! at least hana's taller than the stick! khekhekhe.. *tongue out* out of 5 hits for the penalty shootout, both kids got 1 goal each.. coolneesss..

den we went back to the haunted house and 2 SEC sch boys were scared out of their wits after the whole visit.. hahaaha.. what only.. and hana's brother went out of the room.. feeling stuffy rather than scared.. hahahahaha... and the girl who led them inside got scared instead.. haaha THEY MADE THE THING!! how can they be scared...? *shakes head*

the rest of the time was spent watching pioneerama and sitting down at the canteen benches while talking and singing and laughing and enjoying the whole time there...... *sayang can elaborate on this point in her blog* *laughs*

yeah.. den i sent hana and her 2 younger brothers home. the older one went for tuition and had to leave early.. yeah.. den i went to solat at her place, and played x box with the brothers!!! wahahha!!! damn... harith is good at it.. but i'm better! wahahha.. though he trashed us earlier in the game.. hahaha... but i trashed them back~ so it's fair.. hahaha...

so yeah.. that was the whole day before buka... i had fun.. enjoyed myself.. and i love noorhana.. *chuckles* *smiles* *winks*
*dances around happily*

hey people.. i'm kindda doing a research .. erm so called research la. haha. i want you guys/girls to give your views on this matter...

Difference between guys and girls.

1a > attached girls still talk about OTHER guys other than their bf. they say things like, "oh that guy is cute" .. is that the way girls are? if so, do MUMS talk about other GUYS other than their husbands to each other? or does it mean only unmarried girls do it cos it's a sense of security when the relationship fails...? or is there any other reason to why girls should be making comments like that?

1b > attached guys ALWAYS talk about their gf everytime they see another pretty chick. they say things like, "she's pretty, but my gf prettier". (although we all know that's not true) if you do see a guy who doesnt say this, i can assure you that he's not really interested in his current relationship. so, is he doing it to make himself feel better? or because he doesnt care about other girls anymore cos he just want her?

2a > what do girls talk about when they are together? (add more to the list)
+ guys, guys guys
+ shopping

2b > what do guys talk about when they are together? (add more to the list)
+ soccer
+ computer
+ what is sex
+ work
+ relationships
+ music
+ instruments
+ places of interest
+ definitely more to the list

3a > girls didnt realise that they're trying to be someone they're not so as not to hurt the guy's feelings. do they change for the better? or do they change by hiding that side of her?

3b > should guys be insensitive to what the gf says? does this mean that he should feel comfortable and not react when the gf says that the guy who just passed them is cute?

4 > any other comments...?

you can answer both parts of the question but it's preferable if girls do part A and guys do part B. you can add any other comments to it. send your feedback to moonwalker1485@yahoo.co.uk. your help is much appreciated~

We drive tonight
and you are by my side
we're talking about our lives
like we've known each other forever

the time flies by
with the sound of your voice
its close to paradise
with the end surely near

and if I could only stop the car and hold onto you
and never let go I'll never let go
as we round the corner to your house you turned to me and said
"I'll be going through withdrawal of you for this one night we have spent"

and I want to speak these words but I guess
I'll just bite my tongue
and except someday, somehow as the words that we'll hang from

And I, I don't want to speak these words
cause I, I don't want to make things any worse
And I, I don't want to speak these words
cause I, I don't want to make things any worse

Why does tonight have to end
Why don't we hit restart
and pause it at our favorite parts
we'll skip the goodbyes

If I had it my way
I'l turn the car around
and run away just you and I

************************************
everytime i listen to this song, it makes me cry...
and i'll miss her badly...
*weak smile*

all the overseas thing is making me easily irritable. i dunno. i just hope i dun hurt anyone's feelings during this period of time. maybe i'm just trying too hard to spend more time with her. but i cant... like today.. and this coming saturday.. i'm just too emotionally dependant now to leave singapore to a place that i really wanted to visit since school times...

argh! i want to go.. i dun want to go... *dunno what to type anymore*

to the person on sms now: sorry....

the dreaded news is here..

i'm leaving for brunei... on the 30th OCTOBER.. yes.. 2 more weeks. and it's freaking irritating la.. i mean, i wanted to celebrate hari raya with my family and the friends before i go.. but of cos the army has to send me off 2 weeks before raya... how sucky is that....? very!

i really dunno what to feel. should i feel happy? sad? frustrated? afraid?

i really hope there's internet access in brunei. some said it's in the middle of the jungle.. some said it's bunks are airconditioned and there's internet access.... well to me, even if there's no night life.. as long as there's the INTERNET, i'm satisfied.. at least, i can keep in touch with all my friends.. especially my lovely princess, ms noorhana atiqah. and of cos my family too....

hence, the benefits of the internet. if there's no internet....... man...... a year of imprisonment..

tonight... was a little better... in fact, i loved you more.. much much more..
so much that i dun feel like going overseas...
i feel like i'm losing much more than the money that i'm getting...
i lose my friends.. cos they'll be in reservice without me...
i lose 1 year of my relationship with sayang.. well.. as in .. cant get to see you la..
and i cant celebrate hari raya this year.. and the next.. with my family... WHERE'S MY DUIT RAYA?!?!?! *thinks.. i'm making more than the duit raya that i get* *laughs to hide his sadness*

now you see... money doesnt bring you happiness... without money, you'll still be happy..
i'm happy with my friends...
i'm EXALTED with noorhana....
i'm not as excited when i heard my posting order today....

some things money just cant buy... for everything else, there's always mastercard...

i'm getting a debit mastercard soon.. and a new handphone line.. in other words, new hp number... then i'm getting a new hp as well.. and i'll probably be getting a laptop for myself.. wanna bring it to camp... and get some games as well... at least, that'll be sufficient for 1 year.. if i can bring sayang along, i would.. hahahahaha.. and i really mean it.. she can postpone her SIM studies.. hehe.. *i'm going crazy*

oh well... i love noorhana.. good night...